Nervous Breakdown #2 Learning to Roll with the Changes

So for any working mothers out there reading this your comments/advice would be greatly appreciated.

I knew this first week back to work would be a bitter-sweet transition. I had mentally prepared for it, or so I thought. I had planned how I would get dinner on the table, or so I thought. AND I had made the babysitting arrangements, or so I thought!

Monday I went off to work with no hitch- Danny got her to bed and got up with her for the 2AM feeding and I got up for the 4AM feeding and then she went back to sleep and I got ready for work at 6AM. I did feel slightly guilty for the sleep as this was the first 5-6 hrs of sleep I have had in two months! I got to give her a quick kiss goodbye as she was waking when I left. I was so proud of our teamwork and my husband's effort. It also was effort on my part for relinquishing control and allowing him to help me. I made it through the day and even didn't bother the afternoon sitter with one phone call. When I got home at 5, Carsyn was just awaking and all in one piece. Then she proceeded to cry for 2 hours straight until Danny got home at 7. I decided I didn't want to cook so I called Danny and told him to pick up something- there went the first planned dinner! The night flew by from this point until it was time to go to bed. Carsyn usually begins to wind down around 10-11. I will try to up this time as soon as I can. So Danny was back on duty. I had only been with her for maybe 3-4 hrs the entire day and half of that she was crying!

As my earlier post informed, Carsyn came down with a cold on Friday evening. It is better but she still is getting snot sucked out of her nose. And one of the nannies is still sick very much. So my mother-in-law offered to come down on Tuesday and help. This change in plans through me for a spin, but I regrouped and gladly accepted the assistance. At first I felt like we had already failed before we even began but then I realized it was just some minor changes and we hadn't failed.

So Tuesday morning, Carsyn decided she didn't want to go back to sleep after her 5AM bottle so I took her with me to the shower/bath. She sat in her bouncy seat "talking" to me while I bathed. Even though I knew she needed to be sleeping, I enjoyed the final moments of bonding minus crying. Danny awoke just in time to give her bottle. I could see that after 2 days his stamina was already dimenshing. Luckily, my mother in law arrived to save him and we knew Carsyn was in good hands. When I came home to check on her at lunch she was napping so I didn't get to visit with her at all. Then when I finally got home at 5:30 she was awake. YEAH! As soon as I picked her up she started crying. Eventually she stopped around 6ish and she talked and smiled at me for about an hour. Then Danny got home and she started the crying again. After a bottle we put her down for a little rest. Before I knew it it was time for her bath and then me to go to bed. Even though Carsyn is not supposed to sleep with us, she does for the time being until I can get her in her crib which has been delayed due to the cold. I know this is wrong and I know it affects all of our sleep, but I still do like it to some extent. I awoke when Danny brought her into bed sometime around 2ish and then I awoke like clockwork at 4 waiting for her to want to eat. She didn't get up?! I laid there looking at her sleeping on her Daddy's chest so content and thought I never get to see you. I don't knew when you ate last and I don't know where you have been sleeping. Daddy has gone from doing pretty much nothing much to doing the most difficult tasks. When she finally awoke at 4:30 I jumped up excited to get to do my job- I tried giving her the bottle, but her nose was so congested that she kept choking on it and spitting it back out. Danny awoke at the noise and said we should go pump her nose- I went to do it and he said he would do it because he does it better (this is true, but I was so upset at needing more assistance I got furious!). After she was relieved, I went to get another bottle.

Then came nervous breakdown #2- I just started crying thinking " I never get to see you, I never get to spend quality time with you, you and your Daddy have bonded so much and apparently any woman whether it is the grandmothers or the babysitters can do my job, why do you even need me?" I sat there crying from 5-6 just holding her and contemplating being a working mother. I know I need and really want to work but I can't help but feel guilty. Sometimes it is easier to just be a martyr and just do everything yourself and complain about it so people feel sorry for you then to receive the help and deal with the guilt and jealousy. Is there anyone else that understands this feeling? Are there any words of wisdom on handling working and motherhood and not being jealous of those helping you with your kid?

After I showered, I became a little more reasonable and calm. I began preparing her daily bottles( I do them all ahead of time) and thought well atleast I can do something for you even if you dont know that I am. I guess until she is old enough to choose me over someone else and tell me she loves me and thank me I will have to deal with the guilt and jealousy of someone else taking care of my baby and the lack of time that we have. I guess I will take advantage of the fact that my mother in law is here and prehaps spends some bonding time with my husband tomorrow night and go see a movie we have been waiting to see. I was always the one during the pregnancy that kept saying "We need to have date night- don't forget about "us" when she gets here!" Which is exactly what I did!

Atleast I made it 3 days before I shed some tears for returning to work~

The Joys of Motherhood

Of course since I have to return to work tomorrow, Carsyn has come down with a cold! It is miserable to watch your newborn suffer when no medicine can be administered! AND to make matters worse...my nanny and her son are sick too! Good thing I am prepared with a backup nanny who can fill in tomorrow. I think Carsyn's cold should go away on its own soon! I HATE WINTER!

Despite her stuffy nose she was in a pretty good mood this afternoon and we practiced rolling over! Trey was helping too!

Oh yeah I officially earned my MOMMYHOOD BADGE yesterday when I got peed on, pooped on, spit up on, and snotted on all in the same two minutes! It was a blast! I just laughed!

Maternity Leave is coming to an end

It seems like only yesterday that I left work anticipating Carsyn's arrival. I knew that the 8 weeks would fly by and they surely did. On Monday I return to the working world...while I will enjoy the adult interaction and more routine daily life it will be a bitter-sweet transition.

For the longest time we fretted as to what we would do regarding childcare as we didn't want to take her to a daycare. A good friend who is a stay-at-home mom of a one year old boy offered to keep her 3 days of the week. Danny was going to stay home one day and I would work from home one day. Well when reality set in, Danny decided he didn't want to be stuck in the house 8 hrs with Carsyn and I realized I might not always be able to stay home. So just this week we found a recent college graduate who was interested in coming to keep her the other 2 days during the week. Problem solved, right?!

I have always prided myself in being an independent businsess-savy woman. I know I would go insane as at stay-at-home mother and luckily my job is flexible enough that I can drop in to see her if I miss her during the day. I was actually feeling a bit relieved to get back to normalcy, or what will constitute normal now-a-days, but today I had my first of, I am sure, a few mini-breakdowns.

The new nanny, Courtney, came to the house for a test run and so I could show her where everything was in the house. She is a friend of a friend of a friend, so I am sure she comes with good references and is a trustworthy person. I spent a few hours this afternoon with her telling her Carsyn's preferences trying not to sound like an obsessive new mother. She seemed to be fine and I am sure she will do well once she learns Carsyn's behaviors, but here is where my BIG WORRY lies.

Carsyn's eating habits are still very erractic. The new formula seems to have helped with the gas and fussiness but she still never seems full or satisfied. She still eats almost 3-5 oz every 2 hrs and we have already started giving her cereal in the bottle ( I know another no-no, right?!) and she still does not get full. Also she chokes on her bottle (the ones with no cereal) because she sucks it soooo vigirously! I have switched the nipples but she still sometimes chokes. She eats the cereal bottles fine. This is very worrisome to me.. And today when Courtney was feeding Carsyn did it and panic set in. When Courtney left soon after, I laid Carsyn in her crib and started crying looking down at her. To make matters worse Carsyn just looked back up at me smiling away as if to say "Don't worry Mommy I will be okay." Hopefully we will all adjust to our new schedules eventually but it will be a long worrisome hard road. Especially with sleep-deprivation making the situation more intense.

6 week portraits

I have a photography business on the side but I do not yet have my studio lights so I had to go get assistance elsewhere. I sure will be glad when I get them though- it will save us some money!

Here are my faves from today!

We have a Smile and a Coo!

Carsyn started really Smiling and Cooing this weekend! It is so much fun to have her interact with us! It sure makes you be able to tolerate the crying and fussiness when she smiles at you 30 min later!

New Mommy Must Haves

Since I have been a mommy for over 5 weeks now I can now give advice to new mommy- to- be right?! Well here is my lifesaving must have list of items that have helped me survive the first month!

#1 The Swing! This is the only way I can get a shower! It is THE BEST invention EVER!

#2 The Carseat! I use this as an alternative to the swing to have somwhere to set her while she sleeps or while I am doing something such as cooking dinner while she "talks" to me!

#3 The Snap and Go stroller- SOOOOO much easier than a travel system you just pop the car seat down in the holder and GO! We really enjoy this on our walks.

#4 Mylicon drops- A LIFESAVE for Gassy babies although she still gets some discomfort

#5 Bouncy Chair- Recent purchase that I hope will be an alternative to the car seat/swing as another place to set her and help her to sleep.

#6 Activity Play Mat/Gym- She loves to spend her morning play time looking at the objects on the playgym!

My child however does not like her bassinet AT ALL! I would recommend purchasing one that rocks or vibrates or something!

Outing with Carsyn

Well I thought I would share a rather humorous story about an outing I had with Carsyn for all the people who don't have children!

Since she was 11 days old Danny and I have ventured out with Carsyn for brief spurts to get out of the house. Usually we feed her a bottle and she sleeps through it until 2 hrs later when she is ready to eat again and we are back home.

Here lately she has become much more fussier than before. It is like she turned one month and became more difficult. I thougt the first days home were supposed to be the toughest but I guess it continues to get more challenging!

So on Sunday it was a beautiful day and I thought "Okay we are getting out of here for a while!"
The new Battlehouse hotel was having a bridal show and my magazine was present with a booth distributing our new bridal edition. I thought " This should be fun and it will be wideopen space to wheel her around and she can meet the co-workers that she hasn't met yet!"

So I get myself ready and then I go to get her ready and she spits up on me so I have to change again. So we leave 30 min late but that is okay (remember I was trying to stay on a 2 hr time limit because I hate feeding her away for home) and we arrive downtown. Now, at my house in West Mobile it was warm but down by the Mobile Bay it was QUITE chilier. I always bring her blanket with me usually under much scrutiny from Danny saying I am making her too warm, but NOT THIS TIME DID I HAVE HER BLANKET. Crap, a little twinge of mommy guilt. So I race into the Battlehouse to get warm and use the handicap ramp- new experience. I see the entrance to the bridal show so I wheel her over. Keep in mind that this hotel is from like the early 1900s and is very formal. I get to the entrance and I assumed the cost would be like $5 and I had only brought in $10. The lady says "Are you a bride?" and I think " Um hello I have a baby in a carriage and rings on my hand I don't think so" then she says " that will be $12!" Are you kidding me $12~~~ sorry I only have $10 I say, but I am with a vendor do they get free passes because if so I can call them to bring me one. No she says but we will take the $10. Gee thanks!

Well there is no ramp at this entrance so the lady has to help me carry the stroller up the steps into the room that is probably 16X20 and filled with like 100 women. Apparently at this bridal show the vendors are split into tee-tiny rooms all over the hotel! Great! Picture me wheeling the stroller through all of these hundreds of women sipping on champagne and taste-testing cake! Well I look for Mobile Bay Monthly booth- nope don't see it. I finally ask a patron" Oh they are on the 2nd floor" I carry the stroller back down the stairs (bymyself this time) and go the elevator- there is Floor 2 and Floor 2R-- I go to Floor 2, nope not here, I go to Floor 2R, nope not here. I ask another patron- " Oh they are on the first floor to the side off of a hallway." Great- I treck back down stairs. Now, Carsyn has begun to wake a little.

I finally find my work's booth and Lawren and my co-worker's wife Alexis run over to meet Carsyn. Of course I am blocking traffic with my big stroller. Lawren says "You didn't pay did you- I could have given you a pass!" Oh well! I am there about 7 minutes when Carsyn wakes up- I pick her up for Lawren to see and she begins softly crying. Uh Oh do I smell poop?! Crap, literally, I tell Lawren I am going to find the nearest restroom- I may be back and I may not.

I head to the Lobby- all Lobbies have restrooms in hotels right!? NO, not the BATTLEHOUSE! I ask an employee she looks to the 2nd floor and then says here let's go see if there is one in the bar! Now Carsyn is screaming! We go to the bar- guess what there is a bathroom but no changing table in a bar, of course! I pull out her handy-dandy changing pad and lay her on the vanity- knocking the pricey soaps and lotions out of the way. Of course, I had her dressed cute so I had to take off her pants then unbutton the onsie then pull the diaper off and THEN....no poop! My mom-poopdar was WRONG! So I think are you hungry again?! So I pull out an emergency bottle and give it to her. She begins eating, but not ferociously just kind of nonchalantely sucking holding onto the nipple. So I decide to giveup and head to the car and leave. $10 less and 5minutes of visiting later!

I was so traumatized that when my friend Penny asked me the next night if I wanted to go grab some dinner and take Carsyn out I was like NO NO NO NO NO! But we did and after receiving a bottle in the parking lot- Carsyn allowed me to enjoy a quick dinner and slept through it.

Breast is Best...well not for us

Everywhere you turn during pregnancy you are bombarded with information about breast milk being the best choice of nutrition. I wasn't breastfeed, my husband wasn't breastfeed, but I wanted to breastfeed my baby. I worried non-stop that I wouldn't know how to do it or Carsyn wouldn't be able to latch. I never intended to breastfeed for long but atleast the first 6 weeks.

When she arrived they immediately gave her to me to feed. She instinctively knew what to do and so did I with no classes or training. In the beginning I looked forward to her feedings it was our quiet time together in the hospital at night. Danny joked that everyone in Mobile had seen my boobs because I would stick her on no matter who was walking in our hospital room.

When we got home the feeding got a little more difficult as she was attached to the jaundice machine but we continued. From day one Carsyn is what they call "AN AGGRESSIVE EATER." She attacks the nipple (OWWW) and then eats for a long time. Sometimes she would be attached to me for an hour at a time every 2 hrs! I would have to go to the bathroom sometime you know! I toted her all around the house attached to my boob for 2 weeks. Then I started feeling used....she never wanted to interact with me. As soon as I got around she wanted to feed. I could tell this was going downhill. I made a snap decision to stop breastfeeding and switch her to formula. I knew she had received the inital colustrum and antibodies and I wanted more freedom.

So on to formula she went...no problems...she will suck on anything put in her mouth! Now I could visit with people who stopped by or let Danny lend a helping arm.

At first I felt a whirl of relief but then when she got really hungry and would start rooting at me a twinge of guilt hit me- I had taken me away from her. And now 5 weeks later her formula seems to have given her terrible gas and stomach pains, so the guilt is mulitplied. Also at one month she already weighs 10lbs 11oz and is 22 1/4 in so I am worried I have set her on a track of obesity putting her on formula! The doctor says she is fine though and in the 75th percentile.
I still think I probably made the right choice for us because she eats almost 4oz of formula every 2hours so she apparently has a fierce appetite that I would have gotten frustrated trying to keep up with.

I expected to get negative looks and comments from my friends who succeeded but so far I haven't received any. I do feel slightly like a failure though, but I guess I would rather feel like a failure than resent my baby.

We are going to switch to a more gentle version of forumla for her this week to see if we can alleviate this sudden change in digestion. I will let you know how that unfolds.

Hospital stay and the first days home!

The first night after Carsyn's birth I was in a complete fog. There were so many people who kept coming into my room checking stuff. I had sent Carsyn to the nursery but they brought her to me for feedings. Even though I was in a dazed state we both took to the breastfeeding well. I truely enjoyed these moments because it was just her and me. Danny was asleep on the pull out sofa and he would wake to assist me with adjusting myself but he was exhausted as well. The next morning was pretty rough- I was in pain and it seemed like 100 people kept walking into my room telling me information beginning at 8AM while I was still half-asleep (as if I will remember this I thought). I was told someone would come help me take a shower...I waited... no shower...my mom arrived...no shower...finally the poor lactation lady came in and Danny barked "WHO ARE YOU?!" Poor lady but we were so tired of not knowing what was going on. SOOO finally this lady enters to help me shower. I went to get in and she disappeared---SO Danny had to come in and bath me AGAIN!!!! He had to wash my hair and wash me down. I was crying the entire time. Then when I went to get out I didn't know what to put on (girls you know) so finally Kay (who became my favorite nurse) saved me and showed me what I was supposed to do. Phew...what a rocky start. The remaining days went much better and I always looked forward to waking up to feed Carsyn and have our nightly chats.

Fast forward to the 4th day, and it is time to get the heck out of dodge and take our baby girl home. Carsyn had come down with jaundice so there were extra precautions that had to be taken. If we thought that alot of people came in the 1st day....BOY did 3X the number of people come in the last day. I was really getting overwhelmed but finally things started making sense. Soooo anywho, I was getting dressed to leave and I had terrible nausea! CRAP! I wanted to get out of this place! After a brief nap with some phenagren I was good to go.

When we arrived home our first obstable to tackle was introducing Trey (1st child- toy poodle) to Carsyn. He did amazing and has remained so to this day. He is so protective and always keeps a watchful eye if a stanger is around or a lot of people.

The jaundice machine was terrible! She had to be attached to it for 48 hours straight and a nurse would come every morning to check her levels. Breastfeeding became a little more difficult but was still ok. Since Carsyn was eating every 2 hours for almost 30min-hour at a time I was also strapped to the machine!!!! When we got the news that her levels were good it was the best feeling!

My mom had been with us the entire week and initially I had wanted to come home by ourselves but after the c-section my abilities were limited so we welcomed her assistance and expertise. Thanks mom we couldn't have done it without you!

Danny's mother came down for a few days after my mom left and she was quite helpful as well. She mostly cooked and cleaned so I was getting used to this pampering!

Then we were on our own.....

Birth Plan...This isn't my Birth Plan!

Well today Carsyn turned 4 weeks! I can't believe it, yet it seems like labor was soooo long ago! I have been meaning to write a post with the account of how my labor and delivery went so not to forget any details, but well....I have a newborn so my time is alotted into two hour spurts between feedings! I will try to get in as much writing as I can!

We ended up inducing labor on the evening of December 10th. Danny and I checked into the hospital and the series of events began. I am going to be somewhat graphic...just a warning! Danny had no idea what he would be involved in when we arrived!

Apparently I was very dehydrated upon arrival so they began pumping an entire bag of fluids into my body. Without warning I had to tee-tee in less than 5 minutes. The nurse informed me I could not get up for an hour, so I tried to hold it but ended up having to use a bedpan for the first time ever! DISGUSTING! This is not starting out the way I intended! So....they had a fetal monitor attached to my gigantic belly which was quite unpeasant and did I mention the nurse missed my vein the first try on inserting the IV so she had to re-do it!!!! OUCH!! Anyway another 30 minutes pass and Crap I have to tee-tee AGAIN! So instead of me having to bother the nurse Danny brings me the bedpan again! He had to hold it and dump it out! The first of his many assistantships! So they give me a sleeping pill to get some rest....I didn't want it...it didn't work! I stayed awake most of the entire night. I had to get up a couple of more times to go the bathroom. Apparently I went into labor on my own before the PITOCIN was given to me but it was not too terrible. So fast forward to 5AM when the nurse came in and told me to take a shower if I would like before the doctor arrived. Mind you strapped to all kinds of IVS and monitors. Not what I intended the birth experience to be like. Well as many of you females know the bowels have a way of cleaning themselves naturally to prepare for labor...soooo that had begun earlier in the morning. Well...Danny had to assist with showering me and cleaning up my bottom! I was in a pretty good deal of pain but I was still doing okay. Next comes the doctor to check me and break my water. I think I was a few centimeters dialated. Well once again...Danny had to assist with breaking my water!!!! Poor guy! At this point I needed some pain relief so I was given something, I don't know what! Then Fast Forward really quickly and the nurse and doctor tell me her heart rate was dropping with every contraction. So a c-section was probably in order....I didn't want that. BUT it looked like there would be no choice. So in comes the epidural which didn't hurt too much but how do I know I am already looped up on pain meds! So I start yelling to Danny where is my mom?! Where is my dad?! Who of course are on there way to the hospital because we thought this would be an all day affair! It is about 10AM mind you so from here on out things get a little fuzzier...I am wheeled into surgery. I know Danny is beside me and there a bunch of people over me but that is about it. I can hear things and see lights but that is about all. I hear them pull her out and start cheering and yelling about how beautiful she is. Then they bring her to me and put her in my face and I say "OH she has her Daddy's nose! :(" Then she is whisked away and I am left to lay there for what felt like eternity as Danny went to show off his new pride and joy to our families. I kept saying "Where is my baby! Bring me my baby!" Finally I get back to the room to wait BY MYSELF and eventually my baby is brought to me followed by my family. I am pretty looped up so the rest of the day is quite a blur. 7 lbs 15 oz 20 1/2in! I am glad we both made it through labor and delivery healthy and successfully but I do not think this is the way I would have wanted my birthplan to go! I am not sure if inducing caused the c-section but I may have chosen an alternate method!

Pages from Baby Blog

During my pregnancy I had a blog to chronicle the changes and lessons I experienced during pregnancy. Here are the past posts that lead us up to the birth of our baby girl, Carsyn Danielle. I hope to continue sharing the changes both Carsyn and her father and I experience!

New Beginning
July 3rd, 2007 I am always interested in reading blogs about other people's lives-I guess because I am so nosy- so I decided to start one showing the progression of Baby Smith. As of today we are 17 weeks and one day old. On July 17th we will find out the sex of the baby. Of course we have done several of the "Home Gender Tests" which have all pointed to GIRL. We will soon find out whether it will be spelled Carson or Carsyn! So far I think I have had a fairly easy pregnancy. According to the doctor visits I have only gained 3 pounds since my first visit. Now that I am in my second trimester I am sure the rapid weight gain will begin! I was lucky to avoid morning sickness and several other pregnancy ailments. I did learn, however,(painfully) that I am one of the few women who experience their ligaments softening in their pelvis causing striking pains down my left back-buttock-and leg! Other than this, pregnancy has been fairly easy going! I would definitely recommend reading "Belly Laughs" by Jenny McCarthy- pregnant or not. My husband and I found much solice in the humor Jenny provided to us as we read the book together at night. This book allowed him to better understand the afflictions I was facing and that the baby REALLY did suck out my brain cells and I have not just completely turned air-head! Yes this REALLY happens! I hope the friends and family members who are not close by will find this webpage informative and entertaining! Love, AES

7.3.2007
I Can't TAKE the ANTICIPATION!!!!
One more week until we find out whether it is a boy or a girl!!!!! I need to know!!! Lately I have not been very focused on my work...yesterday I began to set up my baby registry at Babies R US. So many cute things, but how do you know what to buy!!!??? My cousin has been helping me as to what she used with her first child, but how do you know how long the child seat will fit them and do you get the bottles with or without bags and etc etc!!!! AHH! Also, as I said in my last journal entry my pregnancy has been fairly easy. Lately though I have begun to feel more strains of a growing belly. Terrible aches on my side that I guess I can contribute to growing pains because all of the sudden there is a bigger pooch!! I had my first trip to the maternity store Saturday. How dredful!!! I am still in the in-between stage but I NEEDED some jeans to fit, so off I treck to the Motherhood Maternity store in the mall. Not a pretty site! I finally brought myself to buy 2 pair of shorts, one pair of jeans (elastic in back-still cant fathom panel in front), and a dress! I decided to head to normal stores for tops as I can still pull off the regular baby doll tops. Also, since I am still smaller I was a bit intimidated by the older lionesses who where in there shopping. They looked to be in their 30s pregnant with their 2nd or 3rd child. I felt like they were all staring at me thinking "what is this little girl doing in our store, she doesn't know the half of it!" I high-tailed it out of there before I got pounced on! Well the next time I write a journal entry I will probably know the sex of the baby!!!! Until then! AES

8/3/07 I CAN'T STOP EATING
Okay so I haven't been so good at keeping this page up to date! Sorry! First of all, everyone knows that we are having a GIRL!! Just as I suspected! CARSYN DANIELLE SMITH! I have definitely been feeling more pregnant lately! I had a slight scare with a cramp in my leg that lasted 4 days and I thought I was going to die of a blood clot! Also, all of sudden last week I looked down and there was this big belly! Just all of sudden! I had been feeling pretty good about my body image up until now, but as you can tell from the pic of week 17 to week 22 I made a big leap! AND I can't stop eating! Every 2hrs I have to have something in my belly! I haven't been working out as much as I would like because it is soooooo freaking hot and humid! Also I never had a bit of morning sickness but now I seem to get a tiny nausea in the mornings and sometimes after lunch, what gives? My brain is filled with things we need for the baby and I have begun to get consumed with the idea of more bills! Atleast decorating the nursery should be fun! My aunt and cousin are supposed to come down Labor Day weekend to paint and decorate. The colors are lavender and green and the crib will be green! Hopefully there will be a painting on the wall above the crib that reads "Una Regazza Bella" which means A Beautiful Girl in Italian! We going for the Shabby Chic look! I will hopefully be able to post pics in a few months! I would like to have most of the nursery completed in November especially by Thanksgiving. I have had a feeling ever since I got pregnant that the baby would arrive between Nov 28- Nov 30 which would be 2 weeks or less early, but I just thinks it might happen that way! My dad's bday is the 28th of Nov so that would really mean alot to him. Well until next time!! Love, AES

8.3.2007
We might have a performer on our hands!!!!
So lately Miss Carysn has been bouncing around and twirling and kicking as if she is on a stage almost all day (and night)long!! Sometimes the movements startle me because I will just be minding my own business and POW! out of nowhere I get hit! I am not complaining because there was a day when she hardle moved all day and I got kind of freaked out but as soon as I layed down she started back up again. Danny has only gotten to feel her move once- we think he doesn't have much sensitivitly in his hands from working roughly with them all of the time. Everyone in my office got to feel her yesterday. This is the stage that I have been waiting for, when it finally comes to reality that there is a person inside of you! Just to throw in a pregnancy complaint- my varicose veins are getting out of control! I always looked at my grandma's but since my mom's are not that bad I thought maybe I will get away without them! NO! This pregnancy has made them worse than ever even though I have switched to flat shoes. I probably won't want to wear shorts after I am 30! It also doesn't help that I am the whitest I have EVER been because I had to nix the tanning bed and it has been too damn hot to go outside. Needless to say, my self-confidence is dwindling every day! I need a trip to the spa!!!! Tomorrow we go to the doctor for our monthly visit. They will be doing another ultrasound because last time she wouldn't stop moving long enough to see he heart and spine. We get to have another view of her! YEAH! I hope they didn't make a mistake on the sex, so atleast we will get another view of that too! Let's hope she cooperates! After the visit Danny and I are going to Babies R Us to purchase our crib and get a few things ready for the nursery- the FUN part! I will try to update with a new picture when we enter the 3rd trimester...which is in only 1 1/2 weeks!!! :) AES

8.15.2007
Healthy baby
So the doctor's visit went well last week. According to the doc, Carsyn more than doubled in size from last month and is ahead of schedule in weight.. a whopping 1lb and 4 oz. My doc also informed me that she has a nice big head...just what every mother wants to hear! She also said that she seems to have very long legs..hmmm....maybe a throw back to my 6ft 2in father-n-law? Next visit I get to do the sugar test to check for gestational diabetes....yum! J/K! She is still moving like crazy...I dont know if this is normal! Last night for the first time I saw my stomach moving with her...a little weird yet exciting! I seem to be finding myself less irritable than before...to my husband's happiness! I am sure the moodswings will start back up in a few more months! We had lunch this past weekend with a married couple that recently had a baby in May. They definitely gave us some insights into parenting I had yet to think about. Dawne informed me about formulas and strollers...I asked her to make me a guidebook with tips....she said live and learn that is what she had to do. She didn't know any of it until the baby arrived either. Like who knew that they created individual compartments to keep a single serving of bottle formula for on the go?! Amazing! I will post a new pic soon~~~when I feel pretty enough! HA HA! AES :)

8.21.2007
Entering final trimester....
So it seems that pregnancy has been flying by...until now. I don't want to fill a journal entry with complaints, so I will just say "it hurts, everything hurts!" She moves often and sometimes it is not just kicks and punches but rather flips and twirls! This past morning, I felt a thud in one side of my belly and then another thud quickly after on the other side. I knew she couldn't have moved that quickly, so is she really that long already? I thought I would probably have a small baby, but now I am beginning to think I have atleast an 8 pounder on my hands! I did my yoga the other day and thought to myself, there is no way that my body is capable of flexing that much to accompany a big baby! I don't know how I am going to do it! I am sure more fears will develop the closer D Day gets! I have Danny and I registered for our birthing class. We are doing the "All in one" day which is 4 hours one Saturday afternoon. That should be interesting! I can't decide if I want to take a breastfeeding class too or not? I intend to boob feed for a little while but probably not past 2 months and mixed in with formula. I know all of my "mother earth" friends give me scolding looks, but hey to each their own. The nursery decorating weekend did not get much decorating done as I have to get furniture in before I accessorize...this is where the husband is necessary and that may take a while! Someone who has greatly surprised me during this pregnancy is my father. I would have never guessed how enthralled and excited he would be! I spent Sunday afternoon and evening with him and he waited on me hand and foot, massaged some feet too! He brings me roses everytime he comes to visit. He went on a shopping spree at Babies R Us...she now owns her own faux pink fur coat! And while he was feeling my belly hoping to get a kick he said "I wish I could take her out and play with her and then put her back in." What?! This is all very surprising! I can't wait until he sees her! Well until next time! AES

9.4.2007
The Husband
I thought I should devote a journal entry to my sweet husband who has been a great partner during this pregnancy. Danny is not always the most sympathetic man, as most men are not, but he tells me every single day how pretty I am even when I known I look like a rag-a-muffin. Last night, I had worked a very long day and my feet were swollen 3X their size and I could not muster the energy to cook dinner. He told me - no problem let's get chinese and then he rushed home to keep me from getting too hungry. I feel like a terrible wife not cooking as I have not cooked a real meal since Monday. How do you women out there work, have a young child, and are pregnant? I can't fathom! He rubs my back when it aches, washes my feet because I can't reach them, and does a lot of the domestic chores around the house. He also holds me when I am crying for now reason and just let's me cry. I am so happy to have him with me. 9.14.2007
UH OH Failed test
Soooo today at 9AM the husband and I head off to the dr for our now bi-weekly appointment. Today I knew would not be a fun trip. To begin I had to drink some very sweet liquid so that I could be tested for gestational diabetes. THEN I had to have some blood drawn. I do not like needles. I know I better get used to them... It wasnt too bad until the nurse said "UH OH" - what do you mean "UH OH" don't tell a pregnant lady "UH OH!" "Well," she said, "Your rate is 143 and it is supposed to be under 135." So you have to come back next week to get the 3-hour long version of this. Then if you fail those tests than you are considered diabetic. Are you kidding me? I am healthy as a horse, eat nutritious food, exercise (occasionally), and have never had anything wrong with me! The office said that many people fail the first test but pass the second. It is just a precaution. To which my husband said "Does this mean she gets pricked 3 times?" YES was the nurses answer. Once again "UH OH" said my sympathetic husband. So great now I have to waste half of my day sitting in a doctor's office getting pricked by needles in the same spot over and over! Let's just hope I pass this version. I DO NOT THINK I can check my blood sugar every day for the rest of this pregnancy. I am sorry to all diabetics out there. :( AES

9.25.2007
Not too much longer
Well life is flying by and so is this pregnancy! Only 9 more weeks(unless sooner) until we will have a new baby. It still has not hit me yet. I have no clue what to do with her when she gets here! I have been trying to get ahead in work, but everytime I seem to make some advancements I get a new hurdle thrown at me, so I am about to the point where I DON'T CARE. What doesn't get done by Thanksgiving will just have to wait I guess! I seem to have small panic attacks everytime I walk by that nursery and it still has no furniture, no crib, and accessories waiting to be hung up. I know it will get done, but I want it done NOW! Hint to Husband....if you want a happy wife than GET ME MY FURNTIURE! We have to go in this Tuesday for the next round of diabetes test.... Pray for positive results. I have heard from several ladies that they all failed first and passed second, so... fingers-crossed! Carsyn is still moving about...she is definitely not low yet..she kicks my ribcage every hour or so...yeah it hurts. Lots of difficulty breathing. On a positive note, I have not had a leg cramp in a long time...please don't let me have jinxed myself....and lately a good bit of energy. I hate when I am lethargic..I feel like such a wimp! Next Saturday is the baby class at the hospital. This should provide plenty of noteworthy info for blog time! Well, I will write after the test results! *****NEW PIC in gallery ***WARNING I look like SHAMMOO- I hope it was a bad angle, I dont think I am that big!

10.7.2007
Yeah for Cake
I passed the second diabetes test with flying colors! Hipp-Hipp-Hooray! I even got to leave an hour early! Good Quality time spent with the husband for 3 hours! Just imagine! Also doctor visit went well...uterus is measuring 30 inches right on target! I asked if we would have another ultrasound to see the size of the baby and she said no that it is just an educated guess. THEN she implied that she thinks Carsyn might be an 8 pounder! Yikes- better start working those Kegels! HA HA! She assumes she weighs about 3-4 lbs right now. So... big head, long legs, and 8 lbs-this little girl must be squished in there because I am NOT that big! I don't think so anyway! Oh BTW- kudos to the husband who finally delivered 2 of the 4 pieces of furniture to the nursery....the smallest, easiest pieces, but TWO pieces nonetheless! What wants to come hang curtains?! Okay until next time! AES 10.9.2007
People and their big mouths
So lately I have had some annoying comments thrown my way that I would like to share. Some of them are just nerve-racking due to their repetetiveness, while others are just down right Rude! Okay first off...."Oh, you still have a ways to go!" This is usally in reference to their sympathy for my aches and pains and breathlessness that will continue for 2 more months, but I DO NOT constitute 8 wks with a long time! I, as an optimist, find this as quite annoying. Now let's say I was 5 or 6 months..yes that is a ways to go! Next, "So are you excited?!" This is only annoying because you hear it over and over. My usual response "I would say more like anxious than excited." What I really want to say is would you be excited about laying in a hospital bed for 10+hrs squeezing a watermelon out of a hole the size of a lemon?! Yes, I am excited to meet my daughter and teach and share with her, but at the moment I would not say I am excited at how she arrives! Lastly, this comment came from a menopausal woman who is an authority figure of mine to whom I can not retaliate. What makes this statement most offensive is that she truly belives it...she wasn't intending to sound like a bitch! I would have prefered the latter! "I just don't know how you are going to get any bigger than you already are!" Are you freaking kidding me?! You had 2 children have you forgotten what happens? AND I am at average/under weight AND can still wear some regular clothing, so I would not consider myself the BIGGEST pregnant girl on the block! The lack of tact and sympathy from a fellow female is what is most disturbing with this statement. It would be the same as me saying "Can you get any more wrinkles than you already have on your face?" PUHLEASE! On the positive hand, I have had lots of compliments and adoration to which I usually dismiss. Many of which come from my husband. Please be careful what you say to a defensive hormonal pregnant female in the future!

10.14.2007
Au Natural or Epidural
So Saturday from 3-7:30 was ALL BABY talk at baby class. Let's just say that dragging husbands to the hospital for this extended period of time is a hazard unto itself, but during College Football season...well that is just asking for it! Luckily my husband had no vested interest or bets on a team, so he was well-behaved, but some of the others..phew! The Doula was actually scared to turn off the TV! She left it on and muted while we did our relaxation/breathing! Lots of info about labor, delivery, after delivery. Where not to take the baby in the hospital that will set off the alarms...yadda yadda yadda. There are 3 rooms that are exceptionally big and I kept repeating to Danny..when we sign in ask for Room 4, 5, or 9 got it...4, 5, or 9! Our instructor was very sweet and genuine. I knew going into the class that there is confrontation between the doctors and the instructors regarding inducing, epidurals, and other un-natural methods. BUT this lady was so convincing that an epidural is just terrible and inducing the labor is especially terrible! She did offer some suggestions and insights that I did not know I would have the option to do. The class left me feeling a little bewildered and confused. I do know that I do not want to be strapped down to the bed the entire time....hence the epidural will have to wait as long as possible...I will let you know how that goes! AND I want to wait as long as possible before going to the hospital. I hope that Carsyn comes on her own time before the 17th of December so I do not have to induce because I really would prefer not to! Actually if I thought I could do it I think having a water birth would be pretty interesting! AND my hospital has a birthing tub to offer but no one has yet to utilize it. The instructor/doula said if we would use it she would offer her services for free...hmmmmm. Danny was very open to listening to what I did and Did not want to happen. I really appreciated that. I hope he remembers during the chaos! Oh BTW I did jinx myself....I have had 2 minor leg cramps this past week! BLAH! Okay until next time! AES

10.15.2007
I promise I am not CRAZY
For anyone who attended mine and Danny's wedding rehearsal- I am sure you all remember the hysterical speech that he gave about how SANE I was and that is why he is marrying me because I am the most SANE girl he ever dated...yadda yadda... His friends still give him a hard time about it. Well...buddy I bet he is whistling a different tune now!!! I feel just terrible that he has been having to deal with me. Irritable, Mood Swings, Crying, Temper....oh, I don't even want to be around myself! Yesterday was my birthday...needless to say it was not the greatest. Not the worst by any means but not the greatest. Everyone told me that once you have a baby get ready to not exist anymore. I knew it was coming. But man did it hit hard yesterday! I guess it is just another year and the next monumental birthday will not occur until the dreaded 30! I had an epiphany a few weeks ago about how my priorities had changed in life. I finally felt a calm about not being the perfect sales person and trying to be a perfect mother. It just seems as though the changes are occuring quicker than I can keep up. I am just ready for her to be here so I can see what all of this work has been for and finally hold her in my arms and know that she is all that matters now just like my mom does me. Of course as an only child, my world revolved mostly around me, now I am ready to share. It would just be much easier if she were here and not kicking my ribs! I also want my husband to finally see his baby girl and know that I had a legitimate excuse for going ape-crazy because he ate all of the pop-tarts! Just kidding! kind of... Phew only 7 more weeks to go.... We are taking our babymoon in Savannah, Georgia this weekend so I will update when we return. If my husband doesn't throw me off of the plane! :) AES

10.23.2007
Daddy Danny is done with his chores
All of the furniture is in the nursery! Now it is time to accessorize and organize! Trey(family poodle) has been quite intrigued with the crib...I wonder what he is going to do when there is a baby inside! Also more good news...Carsyn gave her mom some relief yesterday by dropping down a smidgen so that I can actually breathe a little bit! And the colder weather has brought on some new found energy! AND I got to wear heels yesterday without hurting my feet! What a great day! We leave for Savannah at 8AM tomorrow...I will write next week! AES 10.26.2007
Babymoon
So How was Savannah? Well first things first, I was not expecting it to be so metropolitan. Also I did not know it was settled by the British so it definitely felt like I was back in England the summer in college that I lived in the UK. It was very pretty, however, it was quite chilly. Luckily for me...I have extra insulation these days otherwise I would have been throwing a fit! Savannah is known as the walking city and boy did we walk! I probably walked this baby into pre-term labor by walking about 4 miles the first day and 2-3 miles the next day. I had to take about 3 hour rest/nap in the hotel room every day before Dinner. Here was the series of events: First night we arrived we went to a dinner cruise on the Georgia Queen Riverboat...very crowded....Danny got a little overwhelmed...drank a bottle of wine and felt much better. I wanted to drink a bottle of wine! Next day, slept late, went to Savannah history museum...went to eat lunch at cafe in City market...took a group tour on Horse drawn carriage...ate some more...walked for freakin-ever looking at scenery...that evening we ate at a British Pub and went on a GhostTour trolley ride and toured a haunted mansion- did not see any ghosts. Next day, slept later, went down to River to shop and eat lunch- I got really sore and tired and went back to room, Danny went walking AGAIN. Had Dinner at the Pirate House- an original 1730's Pirates Saloon that is also supposed to be haunted. Long story short...had a good time, Husband had a better time....do not take a trip in your last trimester! Very TIRESOME! Luckily, we had our row of plane seats to ourselves on every connection and did not have to share with anyone. Airplane seats are alot smaller at this size! Husband did not throw me off the plane as previous blog predicted although he was tempted to throw me in the River on the last day... Back at work this week the strains of final weeks of pregnancy are definitely taking a toll on me! I am not sure I will make it as long as I had hoped. If not physically looking like an UMPALOOMPA with my ginormous swollen legs and feet isn't bad enough, I am afraid my hormones might cause me to do something I might later regret. The patience is wearing thin with dealing with stupid clients. There are those wonderful clients who have been very sympathetic but now I feel I am at the point where they are like "Go Home Why are you waddling in my store!" If I can just make it to Thanksgiving....Oh how long is that! Danny wants to see Carsyn so bad he can taste it. He is just itching with anticipation. I am excited but at the moment I am too worried about logistical matters to be excited as I do not even own ONE BOTTLE yet! What if she shows up next week? Which leads me to next topic...BABY SHOWER! I have my first one in Mobile this Sunday! Yeah- baby stuff is so FUN! Thanks, Melissa, Mary Caron, and Kristy! I CAN'T WAIT! :)

11.2.2007
BABYSHOWERS BABYSHOWERS
Wow since my last entry I have had 3 showers! Before the first shower, my mom had come down to help organize the room. Lots of washing and ironing. I would have never gone to those efforts if it had not been for her. Thanks mom! My first one last Sunday in Mobile was a planned one by my friends Mary Caron, Melissa, and Kristy. It was great! So many needed items and cute stuff! I now own several bottles, lots of cute outfits, a good weeks worth of diapers ;), a boppy, a bumbo, blankets, and bibs...oh my! It was a lot of fun! Then the next day when I got to work I walked into our regularly scheduled Monday morning staff meeting and it was a surprise shower for me by my work. I was in such shock! I could not speak! And Danny came walking in the back entrance as they had called him the day before to tell him. At this shower I got LOTS of necessities from my registry so I definitely feel more secure with Carysn arriving! THEN last night Bunko surprised me and Sarah, my friend in the group with the same due date,...with a shower! It was also a lot of fun and the gifts tended to be on the more cutesy and decorative side. I am so appreciative! On Wed of this week Danny and I attended the Junior League Jubilee with a couple of friends of ours. It is a Christmas bizarre to raise money for the local Junior League. I could have spent tons of money on hundreds of outfits if Carsyn was older but luckily they didn't have too many infant items. I did however get one outfit I am contemplating bringing her home in and a daygown for church. I CAN NOT WAIT to play dress up! It was a very exhausting night, however, walking and standing in semi-heels for over 2 hrs. Needless to say my feet were ENORMOUS at the end of the night and when Danny rubbed them you could see the fluid. It was quite PAINFUL! I was hollering so much the cat came and got in my face to see what was wrong! Which then lead to the next day at work (yesterday) when my feet continued to swell and I had a major hotflash. I knew something was going on so I ran to the CVS to take my bloodpressure and it was a little high. Then I got on the Internet and read symptoms of Preeclampsia so I freaked and called the doctor. The nurse told me to go home and lay down and see if it helped. It did and then I had a regularly scheduled appointment for today which they moved up into the morning. When we got to the doc today we had to wait for 2 hours in the subwaiting. Danny had come with me in case there was going to be disturbing news. He had to sit in a room with about 8 pregnant women all talking about how awful their husbands are. I asked him if he felt like Bruce Willis in What Women Want. He now thinks all women hate men! Sort of true?! ANYWHO...the visit went great! The doctor said my bloodpressure was fine and my urine was fine and the baby looked fine. She said her head was already extremely low in my pelvic bones (explains the pain and swelling I have exprienced)and that she looked to be a good size. How she knows that by looking at me and putting a tape measure to my uterus I will never know! Then she said that if Carsyn is dilated slightly and has not arrived by Dec. 10th then she will induce me that week. I feel as though she is going to come on her own, perhaps, around Dec 5th or 6th. Seeing as how December 3rd is our anniversary I would prefer to not be in labor that day! Also, I want Carsyn to have her own bday with no other holidays involved. This doctor's visit made me a lot more relieved and excited. I have less than a month!!!! This weekend I have 2 more showers..one in Mccomb by Danny's friends and family and one in Florence. What a busy weekend but a very exciting one! Carsyn, Danny, and I are so blessed. Thank you all so much! :)

11.9.2007
Oh the dreaded wait is on
So last weekend I had my babyshowers in Mississippi! My goodness the stuff I hauled home! I had to leave one item at my grandmother's because it was too big to haul in my SUV with the other gifts! Now I just have some loose ends and final items to get and I should be ready. Now the clothes and blanket washing can begin...AGAIN! Hurry up mom because I will never get all of these clothes done on my own! Carsyn will be quite stylish until she is about 9mos and then she is naked again! HA HA! The weekly Dr. visits have begun. Luckily at my appointment yesterday my friend from Bunko, Sarah, was also waiting so we passed the time rather quickly. Danny didn't come with me to this visit since it would be the first internal visit and the Group B strep test. Dr. Helen said "Where's Danny" when she walked in and when I told her he thought he would sit this visit out she said "Well he better get used to seeing a lot more than this soon!" Not that he could have seen anything yesterday anyway. I don't think he likes to see me in discomfort. So the internal exam was not as bad as I had envisioned. Actually, I disliked the Group B strep test more than the other. All she said was that I was about 70% thinned and no dialation. So now the wait begins.....maybe I will jump rope this weekend to speed the process? I have heard about Evening Primrose Oil used to speed up labor but that just seems too out there for my preference. Actually I think Carsyn and I still could use another good 2 weeks before my anxiety level really gets high. It seems husband, friends, and family are more anxious than I am at the moment. Yes, 2 weeks from today would be November 30th...that sounds like a good day to me! I guess we shall see.... :) AES

11.16.2007
Soundoff
So I just wanted to have a little blogworthy soundoff to let out some frustrations and keep you from possibly aggrivating a 9 month pregnant woman in your future. Okay, when I found out Carsyn was due in December I was like..shucks now everyone is going to refer to her as a Christmas baby because people start celebrating Christmas in October!!!!! I desperately want for her to have her own day and I do not constitute a Christmas Baby as one born before the week of let's say the 20th! My baby will NOT be born that late so please do not refer to her as a Christmas Baby. She will be here no later than the 14th! Also if someone asks me when I am due and I say 2 weeks....I want to scream when they say Oh a Christmas Baby! Hello, Thanksgiving comes first! She may come then! And Finally! The adage that all first babies are late is not really true any longer. So for a mother that is anticipating her due date and you say to her "Oh well you know first babies are ALWAYS 2weeks late!" does not provide much positive energy! Out of the 5 babies I know that were born recently 4 out of 5 were early! AND ALL FIRST BORNS!!! So please do me a favor and just don't say this quote! Furthermore, most doctors tend to induce before too much time has passed these days which will be the case with Carsyn and myself! Okay- thank you! AES

11.19.2007
Nesting has begun.....
This weekend I was like a tornado getting the home ready for the new arrival. Saturday morning I got up at 6:30 bursting with energy and started organizing and cleaning and shopping.... The cabinets have been cleared for baby formula and bottles, the closets have been reassesed to make room for new stuff. Carsyn and I have to share a closet, so I made Daddy Danny make some room in his closet. The cubbards have been stocked with necessities to last a good couple of months. My hospital bags are packed and ready to go. The swing and all "READY TO ASSEMBLE" items have finally been done. Most everything is hung in the room. My mom is at this very moment washing all of the new clothes and socks and towels so she will be allergy free! I couldn't have gotten everything done without her. I think Danny was even happy to have his mother-n-law around so he didn't have to do it! Not that he doesn't like his mother-n-law (I can hear her reading this now....)! Now I guess we wait......I am making one more trip to Babies R us and Target tonight for final items. I even got some Christmas online shopping done this weekend! :) Now if I can just get my clients at work organized I will be sitting pretty! :)

11.19.2007
More Waiting.....
I hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving holiday! Mine was really relaxing- 4 days off of work! I was so happy to have my husband home from work for 2 days!! Thursday was the first day he had taken off in 21 days!!!!! We went ahead and put our Christmas tree up so it would be waiting for Carsyn and then we went to see the movie Fred Claus. It was weird thinking this is going to be the last time we go to the movies as a couple and not parents! I also got my winter clothes down from storage in hopes of wearing them very soon again!!!!! I hope they fit! Danny is about to tee-tee on himself he is SOOOO ready to see his daughter! He keeps yelling at my belly "Carsyn, come see your daddy...don't you want to come see your daddy...I want to see you!" I don't think he is going to let her go once she arrives! I had my doctor's visit this morning.... no news :(! No dialation! I have been feeling her very low lately and after sitting in the movie theater chair for 2 1/2 hrs I was quite uncomfortable last night. But the doctor gave me no good news today except that if Carsyn does not arrive on her own by December 10th that they will admit us for inducing. I would really rather she come on her own because I do not want to get stuck in 24 hour inducing labor and end up with a c-section! I have heard too many bad stories. She still has 2 weeks to make it on her own. Atleast I know it won't be any later than the 11th! Anybody have any stories or advice regarding breastfeeding? I am getting a little apprehensive about breastfeeding. I do not intend to do it for long but I would like to the first 8 weeks. There are so many birthdays these next 2 weeks that Carsyn might arrive on.... Nov 28th- my dad, Nov 29th my editor at work, Nov 30th- Gma Smith and my friend from highschool, Dec 3rd our wedding anniversary, Dec 4th Cuz Megan's bday, Dec 6th Danny's uncle and co-worker bday. Okay, I hope I have more news soon! 11.26.2007


Maternity Leave has begun
Okay so if you know me you know that I am not a "sit down and chill" kind of a girl. I have to keep moving and I am addicted to my computer and email. Also not to mention a control freak when it comes to work. So my maternity leave officially began at 3 PM Friday afternoon. Everyone told me to go home and read a book, or watch movies, and just do everything I wanted because I wouldn't get another chance for a long time. When I left Friday I was kind of relieved to not have to deal with all of my insane clients, but here it is 9:30 Monday morning and I am worrying about them already! Learn to let go Amanda... Baby Pool- if you haven't made your guess yet you still have time.... paste in browser http://www.expectnet.com/games/CarsynDanielleGo take your best guess!Pass it on! I am pretty sure I have been having some soft contractions beginning this weekend. Since this is my first rodeo, I don't really know what to expect. There are so many pains and discomforts that you feel down there! Is it gas? Is it her repositioning? They have felt like menstral cramps and that is what everyone says they will start out like. Also I have been a tad nauseated. I REALLy don't want to be the woman who cried wolf about going into labor so my water will probably have to break before I admit myself to the hospital and believe it is labor! My bunko buddy from the pic gallery had her baby last Wed the 28th via c-section due to placenta previa. I went to see him Saturday morning and he is beautiful. I guess it helps not having to travel the birth canal, huh? She really calmed my nerves and told me some items to bring to the hospital that I had not thought about. It was quite surreal walking down the same exact hall where I will be in a few days. Yikes! She was so happy and proud! I can't wait! Another personality trait of myself that I am not fond of is how I always live in the future and not the present. It is very difficult for me to enjoy the moment and not think about what is next. I am trying really hard, but I keep thinking about when I am going to take Carsyn here and when are we going to go do this and oh I can't wait to take her pictures doing this, etc.....Everyone says enjoy the moments when she is first here because they won't return. Today is mine and my husband's wedding anniversary. I am not sure really what we will do- we can't go anywhere, I don't really want to get dressed nicely, it is cold, I don't want to spend a ton of money because- hello we have a baby on the way and Christmas! Any ideas? I do intend to go get a pedicure/manicure today to treat myself. I have been hesitant to go get a pedicure because my feet are so huge I can just imagine the viatnamese lady talking about them and I won't even know it! Also it hurts for them to rub them the fluid is so much! I have to have pretty toes in labor, right!? Also speaking of beauty- I have been drooling over the new fall fashions! I am afraid I am going to go buck-wild shopping when I have a waist again....buttoned pants and heels here I come!!!!!!! It is so pathetic that while in Wal-mart the other day I was like "Wow look how cute all of these clothes are!" Well I guess I am going to go try and read a book. AES

12.3.2007
Last entry before I become a Mommy
Well this week has been one filled with frustrations, relaxation, and anxiety! We had hoped Miss.Carsyn would arrive before the inducing day of tomorrow night but it seems she prefers to be scheduled. I guess she will be like her mom...plan, plan, plan! HA HA! My first days of non-career were difficult for me to handle but I finally learned to relax. At first I felt guilty not being in the office when I felt fine, but then I would attempt to leave the house and do an errand or to and it would wipe me out after 1 1/2 hrs! So I guess I did need to rest. I definitely think I have enough sleep stored up to last me the first week atleast! At my doctor's visit Wed I had hoped she would provide me some positive news about the arrival of our new bundle, but no change :(. I did however run into a girl from the Sat baby class...her husband was the one who made a nut of himself wanting to watch the LSU game if you recall the earlier blog. Well she was due 2wks after us and she had her baby on Thanksgiving day! 4 weeks early!!! It was so NOT FAIR! Danny was quite upset...his actual words were "SOB...that dad didn't even pay attention to his wife or care about the class and he gets his baby early!" It is frustrating when you wait this long for something and it still continues to drag on, especially when out of 8 babies born this year that I know, 6 were are all early! I believe Danny is past the point of excitement and now aggrivated with the delay. You seem to think every little symptom could be a sign of labor...frequent bowel movements, cramps, backache, pelvic pressure but STILL NO BABY! You also hate to call friends or family because they immediately think you are in labor or have had her. So I pretty much have been wallowing in seclusion just waiting....patience is definitely a virtue that neither Danny or myself possess very well! Today there was some unfortunate instances in my family as my grandmother had to be taken to the emergency room with thoughts she had had a stroke. We are still awaiting results at this time. She has been ill for a couple of weeks, I know that it is going to be hard on my mother trying to help care for me and help take care of her. Also, I want my grandmother to be able to see Carsyn. Hopefully the tides will turn and this will be the best Christmas ever when I finally get to hold this person that I have been carrying around for the last 9 months! When I am able I will post the labor story! And picture! I can't wait to take pictures! Thanks for keeping up with us during this journey and keeping us in your prayers!