Monday, January 14, 2008

Breast is Best...well not for us

Everywhere you turn during pregnancy you are bombarded with information about breast milk being the best choice of nutrition. I wasn't breastfeed, my husband wasn't breastfeed, but I wanted to breastfeed my baby. I worried non-stop that I wouldn't know how to do it or Carsyn wouldn't be able to latch. I never intended to breastfeed for long but atleast the first 6 weeks.

When she arrived they immediately gave her to me to feed. She instinctively knew what to do and so did I with no classes or training. In the beginning I looked forward to her feedings it was our quiet time together in the hospital at night. Danny joked that everyone in Mobile had seen my boobs because I would stick her on no matter who was walking in our hospital room.

When we got home the feeding got a little more difficult as she was attached to the jaundice machine but we continued. From day one Carsyn is what they call "AN AGGRESSIVE EATER." She attacks the nipple (OWWW) and then eats for a long time. Sometimes she would be attached to me for an hour at a time every 2 hrs! I would have to go to the bathroom sometime you know! I toted her all around the house attached to my boob for 2 weeks. Then I started feeling used....she never wanted to interact with me. As soon as I got around she wanted to feed. I could tell this was going downhill. I made a snap decision to stop breastfeeding and switch her to formula. I knew she had received the inital colustrum and antibodies and I wanted more freedom.

So on to formula she problems...she will suck on anything put in her mouth! Now I could visit with people who stopped by or let Danny lend a helping arm.

At first I felt a whirl of relief but then when she got really hungry and would start rooting at me a twinge of guilt hit me- I had taken me away from her. And now 5 weeks later her formula seems to have given her terrible gas and stomach pains, so the guilt is mulitplied. Also at one month she already weighs 10lbs 11oz and is 22 1/4 in so I am worried I have set her on a track of obesity putting her on formula! The doctor says she is fine though and in the 75th percentile.
I still think I probably made the right choice for us because she eats almost 4oz of formula every 2hours so she apparently has a fierce appetite that I would have gotten frustrated trying to keep up with.

I expected to get negative looks and comments from my friends who succeeded but so far I haven't received any. I do feel slightly like a failure though, but I guess I would rather feel like a failure than resent my baby.

We are going to switch to a more gentle version of forumla for her this week to see if we can alleviate this sudden change in digestion. I will let you know how that unfolds.

1 comment:

keeley said...

Don't worry darling. I was the same way, however Greyson never latched on. I felt like a complete failure but I got over it. I couldn't stand for him to be upset over trying so I gave up rather quickly. I did pump for 4 weeks so I know he got everything he could. And she is on the right track weight wise. I worry everyday that Greyson is going to be overweight but it hasn't happened. I'll let you know on Feb. 4th, which is his 4 mos check-up, I suspect he is probably 13 or 14 lbs. SCARY!!! I'm ready to feed cereal and solids, some say it makes them not put on all the baby weight. They say its the milk that makes the weight go up. A gentler formula is good but Greyson is a gassy baby no matter what, we are on the gentler formula, I noticed he's not as fussy but still gassy as ever. Just keep the mylicon close by. It's safe enough to use with every bottle and it gives them relief, don't be afraid to use it. Good luck to you! Being a mommy is the best, but it takes alot of courage and patience. I'm here if you need me and don't worry. You are the BEST mommy to Carysn as long as you are trying your hardest. Love and Kisses from Keeley and Greyson!!!