Friday, January 25, 2008

Maternity Leave is coming to an end

It seems like only yesterday that I left work anticipating Carsyn's arrival. I knew that the 8 weeks would fly by and they surely did. On Monday I return to the working world...while I will enjoy the adult interaction and more routine daily life it will be a bitter-sweet transition.

For the longest time we fretted as to what we would do regarding childcare as we didn't want to take her to a daycare. A good friend who is a stay-at-home mom of a one year old boy offered to keep her 3 days of the week. Danny was going to stay home one day and I would work from home one day. Well when reality set in, Danny decided he didn't want to be stuck in the house 8 hrs with Carsyn and I realized I might not always be able to stay home. So just this week we found a recent college graduate who was interested in coming to keep her the other 2 days during the week. Problem solved, right?!

I have always prided myself in being an independent businsess-savy woman. I know I would go insane as at stay-at-home mother and luckily my job is flexible enough that I can drop in to see her if I miss her during the day. I was actually feeling a bit relieved to get back to normalcy, or what will constitute normal now-a-days, but today I had my first of, I am sure, a few mini-breakdowns.

The new nanny, Courtney, came to the house for a test run and so I could show her where everything was in the house. She is a friend of a friend of a friend, so I am sure she comes with good references and is a trustworthy person. I spent a few hours this afternoon with her telling her Carsyn's preferences trying not to sound like an obsessive new mother. She seemed to be fine and I am sure she will do well once she learns Carsyn's behaviors, but here is where my BIG WORRY lies.

Carsyn's eating habits are still very erractic. The new formula seems to have helped with the gas and fussiness but she still never seems full or satisfied. She still eats almost 3-5 oz every 2 hrs and we have already started giving her cereal in the bottle ( I know another no-no, right?!) and she still does not get full. Also she chokes on her bottle (the ones with no cereal) because she sucks it soooo vigirously! I have switched the nipples but she still sometimes chokes. She eats the cereal bottles fine. This is very worrisome to me.. And today when Courtney was feeding Carsyn did it and panic set in. When Courtney left soon after, I laid Carsyn in her crib and started crying looking down at her. To make matters worse Carsyn just looked back up at me smiling away as if to say "Don't worry Mommy I will be okay." Hopefully we will all adjust to our new schedules eventually but it will be a long worrisome hard road. Especially with sleep-deprivation making the situation more intense.

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